Pages from Jay's book

How to sign players the barca way - Part I

2010-07-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

Step 1

Call up the gaffer and make him an offer he can't refuse... NOT!!!

Wenger: I showed them a finger, and its not zis..

Receptionist: This is Arsenal Football Club. How may I help you?

Voice: Holla, Monsieur Wenger's office, por favor.

Receptionist: Just a moment, May i know who's calling?

Voice: Sandra Rosell, old friend from Football Cunts of Barcelona

Receptionist: Please hold, sir (neeck neeeck neeck neeck)

Arsene Wenger: Quoi?

Receptionist: Cunt on line 4, Mr. Wenger

AW: (sigh) $!_%@)(@)$(@#)%. All right.. Put eem threw..

(neeck neeck)

SR: Signor Wenger!

AW: Oui Oui. Monsieur Rosell! What ees it?

SR: Hookay.. So we say 29 mil pounds for OUR Cesc.

AW: Ze boy is not for zale.

SR: Ahh! Did you tissue sample him when u sign him? Top scientist from the Catalan Unibiased Nativity Testing (CUNT) Institute say he has 100% Barca DNA.

AW: And who ees zis scientist?

SR: Dr. Xavi Hernandez, he's authority on the subject (of Cesc)

AW: _!_

SR: Signor!! come on!! I can offer you other players as a makeshift to the deal.

AW: I am not eenterested een your players.. If vous dont want zem, u can go stuff zem.

SR: Signor! signor! But u havent heard.. I have offer for you.. For Cesc, I give ..(drumroll) Yaya Toure!!

AW: I zot he is not as good as his brozzer. No deal Rosell.

SR: wait wait.. For Cesc, I give.. (drumroll) Zlatan Ibrahimovich!!

AW: je am not interested in Zoltan Ibrahim or his bitch

SR: ohh.. hookay then.. For Cesc, I give (drumroll) Aliaksandr Hleb!

AW: lolz. escuse moi, are vous trying to zell mon discarded players back to moi?? Lolz U hear that Pat?\

Pat Rice(on the other receiver): These Catalans are crazy!!

AW: Ah you know your Asterix, Meester Rice.

SR: Not fair. This is just not cricket.

AW: Exactment. Any zink else je can help you wiz?

SR: Signor, we not take this lightly. Till transfer window close, we make 'noise' like kindergarten child not given lollipop.

AW: Je wish vous all ze best..Au revoir, Sandra!

(keeps receiver down)

AW: What a fucking loser..

AW: Alors, Mikael, mon ami, vous want quoi?? 2 year deal, 50000 a week in wages and sign on fee of 2 million pounds?? Vous can go dream like you did when a striker dribbled down your flank.. William, stop thrashing about the floor.. you cant throw tantrums like u did in Birmingham.. Je zink I need new center backs..

Coming soon

Steps 2 and 3. Leverage your media & order your players to speak gibberish

A longing..

2010-02-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

This might be childish..immature.. and probably took the longest time coming..

I dont know whence before I had struck such an urge, at 5 18 in the morning that too, to tap away at my keyboard.. It was almost as though I couldnt think about writing anymore, its been over three years since my last post.. It is that almost at the close of another chapter in my life, I am asking myself where am I truly?? I mean, where are we all??

Begging pardon if my words sound like bad attack of epileptic fit.. It is a ramble.. no doubt..

I am not here to give cliches, like what I wanted my life to be and what is etc.. better save it for some romcom a wannabe director friend of mine wants to write.. I choose to avoid that oft misused question "Are you where you really want to be?".. I mean, come on.. you have to be kidding me if you think there is one person in the world whose life turned out exactly as he planned..

I just wanted to get my thoughts out about what is going on around us.. How people change.. How we change.. In this majestic churn which throws people here and there, how did we suppose that we who were but some rice grains held together by a small drop of honey, would not be thrown helter skelter when the grinder starts its little maelstrom..

Life is a grind.. Pleading no contest to that fact.. No matter who, everyone gets the rough end of the stick at some point.. these points may be for longer times, days, months, years maybe.. Life taught all of us again and again that these bitter bruises are but scars which give us the map to deal with the future..

When i really consider the metamorphosis I observe, I marvel.. I even wonder.. Is this ever possible, that we who lived life without a care in the world, would even start to worry about things we thought would be the least of them at some point? I mean, have we all changed from the nobodies that we were, into somebodies that we arent??

I have no complaints about the life I lead now..I would say I am happy with it.. Even when I look at the question I avoided earlier, my life is exactly what I wanted it to be.. I have a soft bed to rest my back, among people I care about.. Edible things to stuff down my throat :).. For namesake at least consider amongst people considered to be the best.. And i have discovered how to express myself through another medium which transcends language.. But I would not be ashamed to admit, my life pines for a past life..

How i wish I had my old life back.. How I wish I had the serenity of green acacia trees to whisper but a thousand soft lies, but to protect us from the blazing sun and the harshness of reality that awaits us, telling us to rest now, for the future can wait.. How I wish I could still see those yellow walls, melancholy yet proud, supporting the hallowed portals that encapsulated vibrance and gave out such a radiant joy, without you even entering them..

How I wish I was among that marvelous set of rascals whom I called friends.. whether it was chatting away at one of the few juice corners we frequented.. Or even arguing about some point so trivial we wont remember it after 30 seconds.. On adventures, from climbing a hill to checking out a new restaurant.. With people who are ready to take your joy and your pain, as though it was their own, only amplified.. With people who have no pretensions on who they are.. whose mere company would make you want to stash off your worries for a later hour..

How I long for my capital city, which has been dormant yet vibrant all the same.. where you wanted to meet people and want to go out and make a difference to others.. where you would be welcomed at your favourite joints with a glass of lemon soda which cost you 5 bucks.. or the taste of fresh tender coconut which was rich and succulent..

How I wish I had the sanity of home to look forward to..

How I wish I had the stupendous stupidity and unpredictability of daily life, which gives you more lessons about how to live it.. which made you want to be spontaneous and ever moving..

How I wish I was back at a place, where I felt we are each irreplacable in our own right, no matter how talented or not we are.. A place where for everything we do, there would not be ten different people who did it first wanting to take the claims.. Only those who go "U did what?? u don't say!!"

This is not about my life now, or what my life will be..

This is about what my life was.. And how I miss it.. Plain and simple..

There you go, Miss you, old me,

Wayanad.. Remembrance of a lifetime.. Part 1

2007-03-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Road trips are fun.. particularly when u go with friends.. It gives u a feelin of comradeship and camaraderie, unparalleled by anything else.. But what we took was much more than that.. It was not a mere trip.. IT WAS A JOURNEY!!!!

We went to ragam, at NIT-C.. First day was boring by any standards..So Pranav develops the masterplan to hit Wayanad the next day.. Seconded thirded fourthed fifthed sixthed seventhed and eighthed by the gang(Aravi,Weez,Vyali,Vedan,Ajay,Pattar(thats me!!!) and our dude at NIT-C Vineeth, without whom the trip would've been a mere dream).. And we rented a sumo for the next day..

I will let my pics tell the story...

It was early morning when we hit the road.......

We breakfasted... Puttu and kadala curry... And by the way, the guy in the white shirt is a black hole when it comes to food!!!
And once again, the road became our best friend!!!

Soon, the climb started...

The sights we saw were awesome...

The landscapes....

The flora.... lively ones..

And the dead ones... sniff!!!

Talking about Tea-estates in Kazhakistan.. lolz.. Ajay the pun is on you!!

We reached EDAKKAL at 12:00...

Hang on... I aint done yet..

Photobloggin is cool!!
Jay

Truly International Computer....

2007-03-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

Picturize this... A speaker system that spews a variety of languages like English, German, Hindi (courtesy Winamp..:D).. A connection that speaks Greek all the time.. (courtesy AsiaNUT.. grrrrr) A UPS that had to be 'put down'..(No regrets on that one..DIE UPS... DIE!!!!) Wait for it...Here comes the big one...A printer that speaks Japanese!!!!!

Anyways, just imagine..when the Master of our Project work, The ultimate Project expert of all time and on who is the centerpiece around which our project revolves around, Mr.Amar Vijaykumar, arrives on my humble doorstep expecting project-work to be done (hehe..hope he doesnt read this) ..is stunned on hearing "Nyin wung wan bi" when printing starts.. it aint a big surprise if he remarks "What the F is wrong with your printer dude.."

My printer has turned into my Japanese teacher.. Nyin wung wan bi is Japanese for "Printing Started".. and "Kayishu nyiye ye" for "Printing complete" and "chin chwang injao chin chu chang" for "Out of paper..Add paper to printer"..

I could change it back to English..Why bother..This would help if I end up working at a Japanese photostat shop!!!

HAIL CANON!!!

The Music in my heart i bore.... Until it was heard no more....

2007-02-22T09:33:00.001-08:00

It maybe the solitary reaper that inspired Wordsworth to write the above lines.. But what i reflected on reading it was music that will never more be heard.. ie music written by people taken away from us through cruel twists of fate..

Havent introduced you to these guys have i?? The guy on the left is Syd(ya the electric..) and the other ones Kurt.. Syd after Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd fame.. Kurt after Kurt Cobain of Nirvana.. Whats common between the two?? well..Both were great musicians.. And Both are dead!!

Its really unfair to see the hourglass for some people have leaks.. Many many songs have been stolen from us, by the early deaths of a lot of these guys.. Jim Morrison.. Jimi Hendrix.. Janis Jolpin.. Cliff Burton.. For Syd it was a slow and faded out death that reduces many a music fan to tears.. Fading into the oblivion of the nether..

Why do i name the things i love?? (I will introduce you to Black Dart and Silver Arrow later :D).. Giving a name to an object gives it much more than an identity.. It gives it a heart.. A soul.. a personality.. Hey just like Hobbes!!! Syd and Kurt may be dead.. But they will live forever in the hearts of the fans.. Some things are forever.. Music is one of them!!

Shine on, Syd, you Crazy Diamond!!!! Kurt, you will always smell like teen spirit!!!

Feelin too weak to carry on, Weight of emotions (and sleep!!),
Jay

A simple pleasure in life......

2007-02-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

A cuppa cold coffee from Indian Coffee House... Thats what...

I've got to ask ya lot a simple question... AIN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT???? Of course, beauty being an objective parameter, which, while, in technical terms, is independent of extraneous elements and in simpler terms, is only in the eyes of the beholder, you might find yourself in mild agreement to my statement or you might feel i'm a little touched in the head :D.. I will assure you, in either case, you are not that far from the truth.. :D But if you 'Sir,Yes,Sir' or 'Aye Aye Captain' to what i'd said, then my friend, you have seen truth..

I have tasted cold coffee from a lot of places.. I even take enough courage to state that I made some.. And me having a very egophilical way thinking, I think whatever i make is good (Pleaaaassse!! If i don't praise it who will :D!!!) I have chain-sawed my dignity, drilled a hole into my pocket, drove nails into the coffin of my self respect.. and ordered cold coffee from places i regret going to, for money i regret spending.. And this is how i think about all that now.. (Read my previous blog for details about places i went for "good" coffee.. )

Some things taste like fodder to a cow... Devoid of richness..

Some things like meat to a dog... Rich but of little succulence..

If you ask me, why did the asuras and devas churn the mighty ocean(wossname?)for??? My answer:
To get a cup of ICH cold coffee..:D (Poor one..I know..;D)

Some things taste like Nectar... Heavenly.. And Cold coffee from ICH is one of them..

And It costs what??? 10 BUCKS!!!!

Why does cold coffee from ICH make me feel good??? I guess its got a lot to do with who all i drank it with.. I have gone with all of my best friends to ICH.. Eric, Aravind, Amar, Pranav,Ajay or in short The college gang.. Scored some of my best self goals there ;D(and I am not alone on that count :D)..Vyali a.k.a Vishnu.. Rahul.. PB, JD JS and the lot.. And i drank cold coffee almost everytime..

And as an afterthought, a thing for all ya lot to remember: Generally I hate the taste of coffee !!!! I revolted against home-rules imposed compulsory drinking of coffee in the morning and switched to tea instead.. But this stuff rocks!!!

Cheers!!! I say..

CLIIIIINNKKK ..I dream of sounds in my mind.. The sounds of glasses..kissing each other.. Glasses held by my friends.. All, I see, filled with this iced caffeine drink..

Jay

My fav cartoon strip...

2007-02-19T08:58:00.000-08:00

This is one i really love.. I mean, i've read about people with fantastic imagination and all, among novelists.. But I say its much more a challenge being a cartoonist.. For an author only has to provide the tools of imagery to a reader..Its upto the reader ..However its up to the cartoonist to create that imagery..You need just imagination to be a fantasy fiction writer.. But you must have good artistic ability to go with it to make it big as a cartoonist..How i wish, I could've been a cartoonist.. But you should see what i draw.. They suck!!!! (What?? How did i draw my lab thingies?? well dude.. ever heard of Outsourcing ;D ??)

Bill Waterson's Calvin and Hobbes would rank as my favourite strip.. The whole point of C&H is that kids have much more imagination and dare to think more, in some cases even more profound than even much older junta.. As a kid, i remember my imagination stretched to the limit :D.. Like, I imagined i was playing cricket for India, when i was playing in the backyard :D.. Along with rather imaginative cousin of mine, I often fought wars using water pistols(later graduated to ball pistols :D), bow and arrow(not the real stuff obviously).. Being a spy operative (While playing hide and seek i might add..) .. Flying fighter planes... while playing on the swing.. Hey, All this is just chips off the iceberg..

Too bad Waterson stopped C&H.. I could have done with more laughs.. A few of my favourites..

If you dont know Calvin and want to know all about him.. Calvin and hobbes

Ok..Now the strip on the day i was born..23rd May 1986..

If you havent read a single C&H strip, I would strongly recommend you click the link now.. Life aint worth living otherwise :D..

Be seeing you,
Jay

Heaven Holds the Faithful Departed...

2007-02-17T01:46:00.000-08:00

"They told me, when i was a kid like you, you can become cop or criminal, what i'm saying now is, when you're facing a loaded gun, Whats the difference???"

- Frank Costello(Jack Nicholson) in THE DEPARTED, advising young Matt Damon(Sullivan's the name in the movie)

Presenting Martin Scorcese's newest work off the anvil.. After 30 years of being in the film business, this exceptional talent of a director has never won the Oscar for best direction, even though his movies have won "Best Picture".

DEPARTED is the ultimate story of Deception and Double crossing.. Armed with a superb plot, real gutsy dialogues, awesome action sequences and stunts, and add to it unabashed use of the words you wouldn't necessarily find in the dictionary ;) it makes it way more than just another gangster movie by Scorcese..

I confess not to have watched Goodfellas, reputed to be Scorcese's best ever work.. But after seeing Departed, i feel as if i should... Its on the queue right now..

Frank Costello would come across to me as the maddest of all villains.. For the sheer reason that he loved what he was doing.. And he would commit the most heinous of all crimes with a flash of arrogant style.. Jack Nicholson would definitely be one of my fav actors.. (Al Pacino is the best, in my opinion..Tom Hanks would follow him..)

Leonardo Di Caprio is climbing up the ladder of ultimate stardom and has all potential to get there.. I liked his roles in Catch me if you can, Gangs of New York and Aviator.. Lets see wher he's going..

Matt Damon executes his role as a mole in the police force with flourish.. Outstanding stuff for an actor..

There are a few scenes that stand out.. Costello frisking Costigan(Di Caprio) by knocking his plaster cast of his fractured hand, then commenting "He's Clean!!"..

I have seen lots of movies wasting movie on high profile casts.. But Departed is a stunning example of matching people to their roles..

I will not hold back my verdict : 9 stars of 10.. Martin, If this doesnt win you an Oscar, nothing else will :D..

Neophyte's Serendipity

2007-02-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

Ok.. If you are wondering what this means, it means beginner's luck.. Fluke is another word for it.. A couple of stories about beginner's luck that pisses off Aravind, who is generally speaking, an expert at whatever he does :D..

The game was 28.. The team of experts (urs truly and Aravind) were playing the novice lineup of Amar and Ajay.. We play with contrasting styles.. As experts, we play the thinking game.. As novices, the other dudes play a game of inky-pinky-ponky when in doubt..

We started off.. Riding on the extreme buffoonery pulled off by Ajay(his's moves were truly suicidal), we came back from the brink of defeat to do this...

And thus began a whole series of extreme flukes and luck..

Poker connoisseurs say, when you are having a lucky time, LET IT RIDE!!!! And so they did.. And this was the result..
Do notice the joker cards if you cant see them :D ..

Thus began and soon Aravind was stuck with the joker poking out of his ear.. Speaking of that, its traditionally called 'kunukku'.. And our dude had given Amar the idea of raised betting, so that the joker stays in the ear.. And it stayed.. And what resulted was a truly hilarious scene..

How I wish my eyes were a camera:D.. Sorry i cant reproduce it for you.. But this dude, Aravind, in all frustration lashed out at Ajay for doing nothing but laugh at him.. And Ajay got a hard slap for all his trouble :D :D ..

Funny how defeats make you go wild..

Makes me wanna rewind...

Okay.. I was not there this time.. But Aravind, an accomplished player of pool (going by his words!!! No, just kidding.. He's really good..) Ajay (a novice by all standards) and Amar (the luckiest of all in my opinion) went to play pool, when i was busy at Saarang.. The pool place is at Ulloor and if you havent been there yet, its a cool place!!

The guys take turns in going 1 against 2.. So aravind either gets solo play or gets one of the others.. Picturize this.. He goes alone, the other two play their best ever game and he loses.. He teams up with one other guy, his teammate seemed to have developed this habit of knocking the 8-ball into the pocket out of turn so they lose..This goes on for 5 games..

Aravind: "You guys realize i lost 5 games consecutively??"

Ajay laughs fit to burst and couldnt control himself for like 5 minutes.. And WHAM!! A cue stick comes crashing on to his head..

MORAL OF THE STORY: You dont have to be an expert to win, but if you are an expert, you dont always win..

PS: Aravind had the last laugh in both cases.. He who laughs last laughs the laugh that lasts longer than the lastingly long laugh..

Its 00:00.. And my bed beckons to me..

Crime and Payback...

2007-02-14T19:14:00.000-08:00

CRIME: I'll bore the dumbasses to death... by Vyali

"Come by 6 50 if you wanna make it.. And guys, you may not find me anywhere.. you know i may be busy with my salsa partner.." were the words of Mr.Vishnu Menon M.. Yet another lesson that expectations are not what always get.. To be honest, expectations are ALWAYS something you never get :D!!!

So we went to Rosebowl's Party in the Park with "Ebony and Ivory", a band from the UK.. Ok.. to be honest, the music was good.. but was not at all in a mood to listen to songs like Sting's Every breath that you take, REM's Everybody hurts.. Still the programme was a 'theppu' enough for us to be reasonably screwed up..

Look at the setting man.. Its made for Valentine's Day.. What are a group of 6 guys doing going to a Valentine's day party????

Thanks Vishnu for the invite, and for nothing!!!!!

PAYBACK - ;D: LET VYALI DRINK SHIT!!!

'Theppu' is a crime that cannot be forgiven.. It needs redemption.. Nothing was planned beforehand.. and a dastardly plot was hatched to screw up the MARGI!!!!

THE ABETTORS

From left to right..

Eric : 'noted' film maker and creative genius!!!

Aravind : Can you see him..

Ajay : Wanted to come to the party but couldnt get a pass.. Anyways was in the plan!!

YOURS TRULY!!! Wearing black in true Valentine's Day spirit :D!!!

THE PLAN

To make the Margi drink a seriously bad drink from CCD..I would recommend cool blue for starters :D!!! If it doesnt make you puke, nothing will!!!unfortunately it wasnt available :(

And so, we reckoned a huuuuge cup of Ethiopian Qwahah will do the Margi a whale of good.. So we recommended it to him..

And then...

And thus.. The Margi gets his taste buds SWAHAHed!!!! :D

Cheers all!!!
Jay

2007-01-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

"Being back doesnt mean you're gone....."

Okay its been awhile since i posted some-thingys here.. not because of lack of time or lack of patience but a certain lack of pride..But that pride is back and back it is with a vengeance.. There are times in everybody's life when we just fall.. In my case i fell from the top of Everest to the Mariana Trench.. But its ok.. You just have to stand up, wipe your butt and move on and so is the case.. "Its not the stamina but the recovery that proves fitness.." Aint it?? (Oops sorry! Isnt it??)

I made a few bad decisions 2 monthes back.. Picking up Meher Pestonji's "Pervez" and Asimov's Child of time are just 2 of them.. My comments you say?? you want them?? okay!! you got it..

Pervez.. Set in '92 Mumbai..(Bombay..sorry) volatile atmosphere.. Flashing tensions.. None of the characters die.. The protagonist's marriage breaks up.. she does some social work.. Hell why am i telling ya this?? If you see this book in the shelf, immediately look at the next title.. Else Regret it for next day you finish reading the book..

The only good thing about the book was that it is short.. Its a shame to award something nil so the verdict: 1/2 star on ten..

Child of time is a waste of time..!!! One bad apple from Asimov.. But thats ok.. Asimov's a good laddie!!!

But, as they say, for everything there's a silver lining... And it is coming soon... In a while infact.. Was working on it but wanted to do a good job.. Not like, you know a publicity stunt or anythin.. Not the kinda stuff Rowling dame does..

Sorry for the wait guys..

But lemme tell ya the same thing Elizabeth Taylor told her eighth husband..

"I SHALL NOT KEEP YOU FOR LONG"

Jayaram

2006-12-30T21:37:00.000-08:00

"The Eleventh Commandment....THou shalt not be caught..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday i started with one of the remaining two of the Archer novels i have not read.. The other being "As the crow flies".. You need not attribute this to my destructive nature, but i have always been enthused by novels involving characters who are professional assassins :D .. Seriously.. I mean.. If you ask me have i read a book more thrilling than the day of the Jackal?? A vehement NOOO is the answer.. The guys need not be the good or the anti-hero stereotypes.. Even baddies are welcome.. Alex Romanov (Dont get me wrong here.. Its not that Romanov.. hehe..) of Matter of Honour fame.. and much much more..

But what struck me suddenly was what was written on the cover...

"THOU SHALT NOT BE CAUGHT"

Too true.. In the light of yesterday's events in which a president of a "sovereign" republic was "hung by his neck till his knees quit kicking" (courtesy: The Wild west)..

"Fate, it seems is not with a sense of irony" - Morpheus in Matrix-1

A week back a former president of a federal republic passed away at 93 and he will be laid to rest in all dignity with the flag draped over his august body on the second of January.. He was hailed from all quarters.. . and he will be remembered forever with pride..

The other president's body was packed in a sack!!!!! Video footage of him walking to the gallows was released... I find myself drawn to Morpheus' ideology..

And the words of Iron Maiden come to my mind..

"I'm awaiting....In my cold cell,
When the bell...begins to chime,
Reflecting...On my past life,
And it doesnt...have much time,

coz at Five o'clock...they take me to the Gallows Pole, yeah..
The sands of time...for me, are running.. Loooowwwwww....

When the priest comes to read me the last rites..
Take a look through the bars at the last sights..
Of a world thats gone very wrong for meeeeeee...

When you know that your time is close at hand
maybe then you'll begin to understand
Life down there is just a strange illusion." - courtesy Iron Maiden
"Hallowed be thy name.."

And these two presidents ruled their respective countries at around the same time..

Quoting the current US President on two different occasions..

"SH's death is a victory for mankind.."

AND

"I am deeply saddened by GF's death.."

A person who becomes happy at another person's death is a real sadist.. A person who laughs while watching a flower wither away.. This "dictator" of sorts was forsaken by all his former allies.. US, Russia, China..

Another irony, US President George Bush terms Iran, North Korea, Syria and Iraq as the "Axis of Evil" .. Ironically Iran is not too friendly with Iraq.. How can they be allies?? I wonder..

History of Mankind is always written by the victors.. The vanquished, even though have a just cause, have always been forgotten heroes.. History remembers and respects only the ones who won.. History ridicules those who lost and writes them off as charlatans.. How unfair is history!!! History never forgets the crimes of ones who lost and conveniently does not hold to account the crimes committed by the winners.. That is why it would not be unfair if i dub history as "unfair fate"..

History thus gives a warning to the vanquished,

even if thou lose..

THOU SHALT NOT GET CAUGHT ..

for Thine old good!!!!!

and thus lunch beckons a hungry bowel,
Jay

2006-12-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

"If only i had a chance...."

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Today i was watching my darling niece play with her good ol' toys like Tweety bird, read, or specifically make me read :D (U know kids!!!) her books on Clifford the little red dog, and Noddy, Big Ears, I couldnt help searching my mental hard-drive for my childhood favs.. How indeed does time fly??? Was there really a time when i had no worries?? Was there really a time when all i had to care about was eat, sleep and play??

Wish i had a time machine (Impossible says Einstein, Uncertain says Heisenberg, risky business says DNA, why bother says Asimov)!! Seems to me, there is no harm in wishing..

I was asked at an interview, if i had a chance to go back in time, what would you do to better your performance.. I answered, with a touch of my gentle arrogance i may add, I will do the exact same things, because my performance so far is optimal enough as far as i am concerned.. Thinking back thats exactly what i want to do.. Go back in time.. and do the exact same things.. Like Gabriel Garcia Marquez says in One hundred years of Solitude, life in the Buendia family seemed to be in a vicious cycle.. (Will go into those details in my next post..)..

I have done a lot of things in my life... Things i can recollect i do so with fondness.. Things that make me feel happy, even things that have made me sad... Things that have made me rave against life for giving a poor guy like me, an extremely raw deal.. Things that make me forget that the vicissitudes of life are far more endearing than worth raving about..

Life is a box of chocolates, so said Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump.. You never know what it will throw up.. I had countered it with my own Hand grenade version in a previous post..

My own sayi-ku on pessimistic take on life...

Come lift me from this ditch,
Right me from whats wrong,
A sun has set, wont show its face,
So i stumble, having lost my race,
Hear me render this song..

A great philosophical bullcrapper who calls himself Eric, (now dude, dont tell me i plagiarised!! :D given you due credit).. No one dies a virgin.. Life screws everyone..

How did i, who have a very optimistic view on life, be a patron of an art-form so miserably pessimistic? I was asked once.. Its the extreme negativeness of the poem that spurs me on.. Metallica's and Pink Floyd's musical lyrics so loaded with myriad objective negativity that makes me think that though life is a box of hand-grenades, I still havent counted the pins!!!! You need pessimism so that u realize that IT has still not hit the fan..(Al Pacino fans!! High five...I have resolved not to disturb the sanctity of my blog with derogatory words.. so the code!!)

Life has so far given me a motley crew of memories worth living.. believe me.. it is better than vodka-martini of bond fame..(shaken, not stirred hehe..courtesy bond movies..The new guy says "Do i look like i care??" :D lolz).. Its better than the orange-lime juice that we drank at the juice shop at med college..

Armed with these memories, I move on....
Jay

PS: Dont ask me where i started and where i ended!!!

2006-12-14T00:10:00.000-08:00

"Three and a half years in retrospect......
Six monthes in prospect......"

Its the end of another epoch in my life.. Still cant believe its just six monthes away.. The time to bid adieu to the place that has been there for me, as a beacon of a lighthouse, giving directions merely by shining in all glory.. A resplendent beacon of hope.. Cannot believe i cant live like that forever..

I can remember the first day in class as though it happened yesterday.. I still remember those seniors who ragged me.. I still remember those friday break 'wanderings' (hehe.. 2 hours is a loooong time) when everybody splits up and goes to different departments (Mech is a barren pasture, if u get my drift)..I still remember the mechanics teacher who looked like Sathyan.. I still remember singing westlife for Genesis (Dont mock me!!! I have no interest in listening to westlife now..Amar made me a rock fan 3 years back with a metallica cd.. That was the turning point!! ) How well I remember...

How well i remember that day in S4 when we were told we had university exams ON THE DAY OF THE EXAM!!! U know what.. that did me a whale of good.. It taught me not to be unfazed by any adversities that i may come across in life.. That experience taught me to handle stressful stuff.. It brought to me the philosophy of "NO FEAR!!!" ..That one experience was enough to change the person to what i am now..

How well I remember those classes cut for assignments, records, Yantra, Dhwani, or out of sheer ennui.. How well I remember rushing assignments at the last minute to just have it done.. See this is exactly why engineering rocks!! It teaches u not how to build bridges, do complicated pieces of code or how a reciprocating what-sits work.. It teaches u how to live.. Engineering is LIFE!!!

How well I remember those days at Saarang and Raagam, which rocked beyond measure..

How well I remember those "combined study" days for CAT, at dudes eric's aravind's pranav's and urs truly's places 8D.. Convergence, alambifying(gimme a better word...) and dispersion.. this best describes what our plan of Action was.. And people think we studied!!! (Whats the world coming to??? )

How well I remember sayi-ku.. The art form i invented with Vishnu!!!

Was wondering what i forgot.. How could i ever forget the "Industrial visit"!!! The focal point of our visit.. FORUM.. the rocking mall in bangalore.. That bus journey is one i'll never forget in my life.. (@Ajay, refraining from making any more comments here.. But u can read my mind 8D)

Like Mastercard would put it...

125 acres of land.... 100 crore rupees..

Infrastructure....200 crore rupees..

4 years of hardcore fun and action... PRICELESS!!!!!

If there is somethings i forgot to mention, it maybe because of three reasons..

Things I cant remember right here right now....
Things that i remember and is too long & complicated to write in a blog ...
And there are some things better forgotten....

Anyways, As they say the glass is not quarter empty, but 3 quarters full.. So lemme make sure, whatever i do the next six monthes surpasses the last 3 years..

Feeling nostalgic,
Jay

2006-12-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

"The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy "

The knack of flying is to aim for the ground and miss

- Ford Prefect

The first time i saw this caption was on a t-shirt. Kept on wonderin the meaning behind the lines. I mean... Aiming and missing is the sign of a loser.. Do losers only have it in them to fly??

Keep wondering.. Is it that easy or is it that hard to fly??? And please don't be realistic here, for cryin out loud :D..

When i first heard of the storyline, (ie the part abt the world being destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass... DONT fall on your desktops here.. Not yet time to..).. I got the distinct impression of Yet another Armageddon story.. The world being held hostage by a host of aliens.. Like the movie Independence day..

Then i bought the book, saw the cover and read the acknowledgements.. Pun intended at CIA and Kremlin was eye-catching, keeping in mind the book was written at the height of Cold War hostilities.. The book was the exact opposite of what i had in mind..

To be honest, I have read nothing as much witty throughout 800 pages as this book.. This is comedy all the way.. The author invents words, distorts scientific phenomena and makes the book really fun to read.. Honestly.. U wouldn't believe that imagination could take you so long and create such masterpieces as these.. Very few authors of such calibre walked this planet.. (Sheeesh!! I'm getting influenced by Adams' ...Never mind..)..

The author also attempts to provide simplistic answers to Life, universe and Everything.. (I aint gonna enlighten ya.. go fetch.. ) My favourite character in the book is a robot called Marvin, who is really bored to death with everything in life.. Its indicative of the pessimistic side of man, and how too much of pessimism can make life duller than hell..

However, there are few things i need say that would really anger fans of Douglas Adams.. The series sort of lags in the latter books.. The first one is fantastic.. The second one.. good enough.. Third one was also very good.. Fourth one drags a bit.. The fifth one was, frankly, a mediocre work..

In Adams' words, Any homo-sapienic ape descendent must get their hands on this book..

Verdict:

Science fiction + Imagination + Humour = The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy....

8 1/2 stars out of ten..

One more thing..There are a lot of things that mankind misses.. There are a lot of things man would like to wish never happened.. Douglas Adams' premature death at the age of 51 is one of these things.. I wonder, had he been alive now.. How many more of such wonderful works would we be treated to.. How luckier would we have been..

Au Revoir,

2006-11-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

"SHANTARAM - The saga of a foreign Indian.."

1 week of unflinching dedication and perseverence is what it took for me to complete SHANTARAM in 1 go.. Slow reader that i am, u could call it truly wonderous that it took me just a week to complete it.. Still, that 1 week was really worth it..

What is there in SHANTARAM??? A eclectic cast, with a rich texture of characters who r worth reading about.. A stunning plot, that twists and turns like a meandering river..A ripe and juicy language ..Philosophical musings that relate to everybody's life..Its got every makings of a classic..

For the record..about the author.. convicted and sentenced to 19 years in prison for organizing armed robberies.. Jumped the prison walls with a close friend and came to India bearing a fake passport.. Addicted to heroin at some time.. All this doesn't look much impressive on his bio does it??

Let me tell you.. There are very few books i have read from which i could philosophically derive new meaning.. The story of this prison-break survivor gives a whole new dimension to life.. So called feel-good authors like Paulo Coelho(I liked Alchemist and the Pilgrimage, but Zahir let me down!!!) give fewer angles on how life can treat everyone.. Shantaram derives philosophical attributes from the most wretched of surroundings ever possible.. Life in a Mumbai slum where outbreaks of cholera, typhoids, sudden fires are common-place..

Shantaram, is not the story of a convict who escaped his fate.. It is the story of a survivor who had the courage to confront his fate.. Repentance is a theme which is reflected throughout this fictionalized account of the author's Mumbai life.. Not Greg Roberts, but "Mr.Lin", or Linbaba, as he is called..

The amazing quality of this work, is that once in a while, u can read sentences that make more than just sense... It hits ur head like a bullet.. U stagger at the intensity of the philosophy conveyed.. U marvel at the maturity of that human mind.. I'll give u an example..

"If fate doesnt make u laugh, you dont get the joke..." - the statement made by Karla, Lin's girlfriend, packs in itself enough punch to knock u out for a few minutes..

The author is an atheist.. Yet he ends with "God save us...God forgive us.... We move on!! "

I am tempted to call him a betrayer of his own fate.. yet.. It is a acknowledgement of the fact that he was an atheist because he didnt search for a god.. He ends with a promise to keep searching for peace..

VERDICT : 9 and a half stars of 10..

2006-10-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

H"Of phobias, Fears and Trepidations..... "

CONQUER YOUR FEAR, AND I ASSURE, YOU WILL CONQUER DEATH!!!!!

- Alexander the Great

The above said adage attributed to one of the most famous Generals of all time, is supposedly one of the most inspirational quotes of all time. Inspired thousands of men to battle.. To sound the war cry.. and embrace death with brave heart and a peaceful mind. It isnt just Alexander.. But when it comes to bravery, peopke have a lot to say about.. Take Caesar..Oh crap..Why am i getting into this when i'm talkin abt fear??

Why didnt these great men say anything about cowardice?? How does a man draw a line between cowardice and bravery..However thick it may be??

Is fear derived from cowardice??..I am saying this because today, we unearthed what we find the greatest fear in one man's heart...Lets take today's story:

Venue : Eden Park
Day : Duh!!! I think i said that.. Its today.. Dumbos!! (Psssst..Disclaimer..You reading this after the 18th of October, refer to the date of this post.. 8D..)
Time : 6 in the evening..

The characters:

Yours truly.. the ubiquitous (For lesser mortals, Ever present)
Pranav... the clandestine!!!! (heehee..Knowing this guy, i can tell ya James Bond cant be more secretive.. The President of India, shows up to our college more often than him..)
Aravind..the slim jim..(Compliment here..)
Ajay... the 'bunny' hearted..(All sorts of pun intended..)
Eric....the Courageous...

Its just the first day of THulam..(Non malayalees..The month of thulam is the month of offseason rain.. Thulavarshamegham.. The clouds of the Thula rain..).. and its raining cats and dogs.. Count with it the sound of thunder and lightnight.. Not as Delicate as Pink Floyd would put it.. Aravind and i enjoying the scenary through the window..

The first lightning.. a scream from the table..

AMMMMMMAAAAAA!!!!

Eric the courageous, flings himself into the arms of Pranav(8D8D8D)..(Oh.. No cheapskate it aint that.. what kinda perverted guy are ya reading this..) Everyone thinks he got a shock.. Unfortunately:) he didnt.. and he lives...

This happens 5-6 times.. Now when ther's lightning and the guy's around.. RUN LIKE HELL!!!!(I cant get Pink Floyd outta my head..Every sentence reminds me of a PF song..)

Laugh all you want.. And read on...

Jokes apart.. The fun part for me was not the fact that the thing he feared was something irrational and born out of some innate dislike or trepidation.. Because it was a reflection of a fear in everyone.. Take my case.. I fear Dogs above everything else... I can stand with whatever thingys but DOGS!!!! .. the word itself gives me the creeps.. a chill runs down my spine as i type..

I have asked myself why do i fear Dogs??

The fact that they can almost think like ordinary humans??

The fact that they are man's best friend(For sure, it aint my...)??

Alas..I have not yet found my answer.. Yet, for some inexplicable reason.. I dunno..I hate dogs.. I run at the sight of a dog.. I try to steer clear of a dog's path..I dont remember but sometime in my childhood, i had come across a dog that frightened me beyond wits end..

In an unrelated story, my friend on a visit to another of my friends, his dog actually sniffed at his privates!!!! Hpw nuch mpre revulaive can it get?? (Spelling mistake due to shuddering in repulsion.. repulsive is the word anyways..)

Sure..I knw what u r saying.. Dogs mean no harm..Dogs dont bite..THey just take a chunk off your ankles and play catch-catch with it..They bark when they actually wanna say 'Howdy'!!! What makes you think they are not saying &(*&#*%!*^#()^%&*!^#&!#^&$^&!*#!??

Awaiting replies..
Yours truly and truly i am forever,
Jay

2006-10-12T08:46:00.001-07:00

"The Nuclear Question.. One worth Asking!!"

May 1974 was when India joined the league of nuclear armed states by conducting underground nuclear tests in Pokhran. Needless to say, the "Smiling Buddha" caused a lot of frowns all over the world. Economic & technological sanctions were made against India and repealed in a few years. May 1998: Deja VU!!! On Buddha Jayanti(May 11), India explodes a 12 kt nuclear device, at the same Pokhran test site. Less than a month later, Pakistan follows suit. Then comes the same cliched drama: Sanctions which were repealed in the course of five years.

Now, Why do i have to mention these when it is North Korea who are actively pursuing a nuclear program and shook the world by testing its nuclear arsenal this week? It is important because I feel that the above 2 events shaped world history as the events of last Tuesday will shape tomorrow's world. Lets take a step back in time.

Three quarters through the last century, only 5 countries were known to be in possession of nuclear warheads. These were none other than the big five of the UNSC. Coincidence?? No. Its more or less reason and fact. All through the history of Mankind, technological superiority in arms race has always eventually led to economic and cultural superiority. So was it in the past and so will it be in the morrow.

The picture changed dramatically in the latter quarter of the 20th century, in which we saw not less than 5 new countries with nuclear capabilities and a lot more countries vying to enter the fold. India & Pakistan have confirmed nuclear capabilities, while it is rumoured(and more or less true) that Israel is in possession of nuclear weapons. Countries like Brazil, Germany and Japan are vying for the spot too.

This event is the first big development of the 21st century and its repercussions will be felt for years to come. Now the fact that North Korea has confirmed its nuclear weapons programme, it creates a sort of imbalance in the East Asian region. Korea finds itself not only deserted by its arch ally, China who have termed the tests 'outrageous', it finds itself slightly isolated in the world panorama. Even so it is not a cause of concern at all for DPRK, because this was exactly the case of India and Pakistan in 1998.

Nuclear proliferation remains a worry for the Western Countries. Yet, it is neither debatable nor discussable as to whether these nuclear possessions are indigenously developed or not. Fact remains that the Koreans have gone 1 up in their diplomatic 'silent war' against the US.

Will this lead to a further deterioration of US-DPRK relations, which are already diplomatically at war? Not likely. It is imperative for US's world perspective that it does not happen, given their already declining position in the world. Moreover we have seen the 'isolate India & Pakistan' policy evolving into 'Strategic Nuclear Partnership' and 'Non-NATO Alliance' respectively!!

Questions are also being asked about arms race in Eastern Asia. It is not just a possibility but a certainity that it will happen, given the proximity of two nuclear states in the region just as in South Asia. Nevertheless, it may be for the better.

The question should not be of Nuclear proliferation but on nuclear weapons ban throughout the world. Just as chemical weapons and biological weapons have been outlawed and in the process of complete removal. It is not likely that that will happen. In which case, each and every country has no option but to move ahead with a nuclear program. Either everybody must have it or nobody must have it. That is what sets the order for true world peace.

2006-09-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Unto us a new art is born, Sayi-ku"

No, I made no mistake. It is sayi-ku. Doesnt it sound almost like "sahikku" in Malayalam, which means "Bear with". This art form is not destined to be a competition to Haiku or anything for that matter. It is an expression. A powerful statement by two guys, one of my closest friends Mr.Vishnu Menon M from whose mind emanated such a masterful art, and yours truly, always behind people with crazy ideas.

Please visit Vishnu's blog for the world's first Sayi-Ku.

Rules of Sayi-ku as dictated by the founders

1) The central feel should appear to the wanton eye as derogatory, pessimistic and pejorative. But it should in its own right have a sting in the tail that abounds with optimism and enthusiasm.

2.) The ‘poem’ (here it is!) should invariably be a five liner.

3.) Double negative for single negative can be used.

4.) Use of the words ‘ain’t’, and ‘gonna’ is welcome.

5.) Explicit and Implicit references to nature.

6.) The first line rhymes with no other line.

7.) The second and fifth lines rhyme.

8.) The third and fourth lines rhyme.

Anyway, the inaugural sayi-ku of another of the founders of the sayi-ku revolution....

-----------------------------------------------------------
This aint written by some Wordsworth,
Poets of yore gonna ask "Who?" in their graves,
Sayiku aint gonna make the bestseller's i know,
To the green to the blue, we have nothing to show,
Hell!! IT takes a lot to know what the heart craves!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The first four lines start of pessimistically, satirically mocking myself for writing this exquisite piece of literature.

We top it off, with an open heart, welcoming everybody to join the sayi-ku revolution. Join us!!!

2006-09-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

"Perfection is a myth...Or is it??"

A century back, an interesting debate was going on between Relativity theorists and quantum physicists, regarding quantum theory. The leaders on either side: The propounder of relativity theory, Albert Einstein, and the father of atom models, Neils Bohr. It was widely publicized as a contradiction, but it was more of two intellectual thoughts on either side of the fence.

Neils Bohr's student, A German by the name of Werner Heisenberg, postulated the now famous Uncertainity principle. "It is impossible to find out exactly the position and momentum of a moving body with a certain degree of accuracy." I will leave out the mathematical whamblam out of this;).

Now what has this to do with perfection?? Bohr's school of thought says perfection is impossible. Nature does not allow perfection. Nature likes it to be imperfect. Isnt it a scientific principle that Nature loves equilibrium?(Le-chatelier's equilibrium principle) Isnt equilibrium a perfect state? Then why is it that nature does not permit perfection?

Let me put a point here. Suppose you know everything about a person. His thoughts. His beliefs. Even how his thoughts change. If you have perfect knowledge, it is possible to predict what a person will be doing in five years time. Now you may say it is impossible to have perfect knowledge. Why not? When it comes to knowledge, it is not nature which is imperfect, it is WE who are imperfect. We are just siphoning off our imperfect knowledge to unblemished Nature.

I agree with Einstein "Nature does not play dice with the universe."

The Uncertainity Principle is be true for things like protons and all the other things scientifically speaking. However to extend the principle to have a social derivative as has been done is unacceptable.

Imperfection is not a weakness. IT is a strength. The strength being the knowledge that something better exists. It is not an impossibilty, rather its a target.

------------------------------------

2006-09-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

Confessions of an Agnostic Mind

Only today, i was lying on the swing in front of my house, staring at the vast expanses of the evening sky, feeling the little drops of rain pounding my face, i felt i was ready for a theological debate with myself. I felt 2 conflicting pulls on my psyche, one was far weaker than the other, more so because i was dissociating myself from that point of view over a period of the last few years.

A confession. Most of my friends now think i have been agnostic all my life. I swear on the blogger i was not. At one point I was superstitious and right now, i consider myself to be a slave at that point of life. In one respect, I still am. I am a slave of my own emotions.

A very close friend of mine asked me, "Why did you let it go all of a sudden? ". It was not all of a sudden. My manumission from "master thought" was long and drawn out, more like the slave wars fought in the US in 1860's. It was a slow process of liberating my thought process from what i was conditioned to believe and condition my mind to originate the thought, rather than follow another.

At one point of my life, I believed that atheists are bad people out to disenchant the world and derail the "purity" world stands for. The Ironies of Fate!

Let me clarify. I am neither a believer nor an atheist. I do not have anything against both schools of thought. Nor do i want to exhort people to join mine. I believe in the rule of personal opinion. "I like apples, you like mangoes". My liking of apples is fine as long as it doesnt come in the line of your liking mangoes.

Rituals are something i never believed in all my life. Simple because i found nothing spiritually satisfying or mentally convincing in all the ceremonies and all. Of course, they are part of our tradition and culture, but thats not the be all and end all of things.

Beliefs I have been subjected to and i found no reason in believing

1. Never give or accept money with the left hand : People who are right handed have a defence for having a weak left hand. "Of course, I am right handed! How can i do things with the left hand ". The Human Wrong hand (Right in case of Left-handers) is weak only because of the disuse and prejudice it has been subjected to by generations of humans. We can hope to rectify it only by practice. Subjecting it to further partiality is only making it weaker.

2. Never take a hair-cut on a Friday: That is absurd, bordering on insanity. If the calender had started only a day later, Friday could easily have been Thursday. Its illogical to say such absurdity.

And the list doesnt end here. There are lots.

The culture of India they say. Indians are credited with the invention of 0. Our system of Vedic mathematics is acknowledged to be far superior to conventional elementary techniques. Our knowledge of astronomy in the olden eras far exceed their contemporaries. Why are we right now a slave to tradition??

A cure for this: Have you seen the new Tata Safari ad? It says : "The only person stopping you, is YOU!!"

My advice would be this: Before being asked to do something, ask back "Why?". Human beings are of superior intelligence, because we have the power to ask questions.

I said before that i am a slave of my emotions. Well it is better to be one's own slave than someone else's.

2006-09-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

"Summer has come and passed.... the innocent can never last
Wake me up....when September ends!!!!! "

- Billy Joel Armstrong , Green Day

Another September has come.. When I think of September, I think of holidays.. I think of my bedroom, with an inviting bed.. The soft pillows.. the feelin i get when i crashland my back-side on the cotton sheet..8 hours of Blissful Undisturbed sleep awaits..

September is the most boring month of the whole year. No NBA to make me wake up early..No EPL or Champions League to make me go to bed late.. No toast of good late night movies.. Have sympathy for me fellas.. echoing BJA, September is time for sleep..

Picturize. I go to bed early. Crash into bed, Resolving.. I AM GOING TO WAKE UP AT 8 o'clock IN THE MORNING.. Now you would ask When do i wake up??? 10:30.. If it werent for the fact i had to go out at 11, the snooze button in my alarm clock would have been busier..

If you were ever forced to wake up in the morning.. my advice would be..Sleep on..coz time is precious..Sleep is precious.. so at all times you must sleep!!!!

" As my memory rests..But never forgets what i lost...
Wake me up..When september ends.."